I love wrestling and horsing around in the relationship like the next guy. In fact, the guy and I are constantly horsing around. And it's FUN. Capital F..U..N. Fun. The only problem is when someone gets hurt the other guy ends up feeling like a shit for a week. This week it's the guy's turn to feel like a shit. I've been off work the past few days due to a wrestling accident.

I was getting off the couch after winning a ticklefest and the guy grabbed me by my pants and pulled back. I fought him but eventually lost my footing and fell back, HARD, and hit my head on the wall behind the couch. I heard my neck snap. No, I didn't break my neck. (I'd be dead, duh.) I snapped my muscles and misaligned my discs in the back of my neck. How's that for a wrestling injury?

So I had the unpleasant task of going to the clinic and waiting for five hours to see the doc and have x-rays taken. These x-rays proved that I didn't break anything but misaligned my discs. The doc wrote me a scrip for some meds and told me to stay off work for a week. I'm not supposed to go back to work til next Tuesday.

Yay, I love being off work like the next guy, but my problem is that I'm not getting paid for these "sick days." So I'm losing money by sitting on my fat ass "recuperating." It's a bitch, I tell you.

I doubt I'll be able to go back in tomorrow as well. I'm hoping to go in on Friday, or at least Monday to make up some lost pay, but it's highly doubtful.

Meanwhile, the guy feels like an utter shit and can't stop mumbling about breaking me. He broke me, he says. he slightly fractured me, I say. I'm mending, it's just taking awhile.

But Monday morning, when I woke up and decided to turn from my fetal position on my left side to a flat on my back position I felt this agonizing pain that shot down my back to my buttocks and back up again. I felt like my muscle had wrapped itself around my bones and I was unravelling them much like a kid tears open a Christmas gift. Surprise! Feel the PAIN, motherfucker!

Oh, and I did. I still feel it now while sitting here typing this. The only problem with suddenly being off work for a long time is that you get bored. So very bored. So bored in fact that I know how many beauty spots I have on my body. I counted them.

I've watched old episodes of The Cosby Show, MacGyver, Saved by the Bell, and V.I.P. Please turn my hearing aids off and gouge my eyes out. I hate work, but I'll never go back to hating it as much as I did before this accident.

I told my boss that I had an accident helping somebody move furniture because I don't think she'd think kindly on the fact that I actually incurred this pain through fault of my own.

And in case you're wondering, I win most of our wrestling matches because I cheat. Bad girl, splinter.

In other news, I still trip up the stairs, lose my shoes and have a bloody good time at it. A couple of weeks ago I was wearing a skirt, tights, and new slip on ballerina shoes and I was getting in the car when one of them went flying into the middle of the road. The guy, such a sweetheart he is, risked death by traipsing into the middle of the road to retrieve my shoe for me. And we laughed all the way home. My poor cold foot.

I'm having a hard time convincing the guy that I'm actually graceful. Everytime I say I am graceful he guffaws. He GUFFAWS. He doesn't laugh and then politely cover it up, he actually gives out this horrendous belly laugh.

LOVE him.